What Took So Long?

This is really just silly, but I cannot figure out why it took me so long to put my Bronze Medal lapel pin on my show coat. I am not going to lie. Earning a USDF Bronze Medal is probably one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I've completed 100 mile endurance races. And yet, I've been staring at the pin sitting in its little plastic case on my desk ever since it arrived earlier this summer.

CDS Ruby Rider pin on the right lapel, USDF Bronze Medal pin on the left lapel.

I am deeply proud of earning a Bronze Medal, but I am also "over it." Having a Bronze Medal does not make me a better rider or a better human. I will always see myself as a struggling rider because there is no end to what I still need to learn. So while I am very proud of it, it didn't change a single thing in my life other than give me a bit more hardware to add to my jacket.

I was listening to a podcast the other day about introspection. The author being interviewed talked about how we see ourselves. It was a talk about internal versus external credit. I don't remember the exact term but what it amounted to was this: when bad things happen, do you blame the situation or the choices you made - external forces? On the flip side, when good things happen to you, do you give credit to your choices - internal forces, or do you feel that you just got lucky?

In my case, I invariably credit the good things in my life to luck and the bad things to my own ineptitude or poor judgement. This of course isn't a healthy mix. By taking all of the credit for the "bad things," I am not recognizing that some things are literally out of my control. I can't control the weather, crazy drivers, or a pandemic. Attributing all of my successes to luck isn't healthy either as doing so negates hard work, education, and good decision-making. Without acknowledging the "wins," it makes it even more challenging to build on good decisions.

That idea really hit home. I decided that I need to take less responsibility for the not-so-great things and give myself more credit for the successes I've earned. My first tangible step in doing that was to pin my USDF Bronze Medal label pin to my show coat.

Baby steps.