Still Not Sunday's Lesson

2/28/2012

It's not often that I just don't feel like writing. I love to write about my equine experiences. It brings me great joy. It keeps me excited about riding. It helps me process what I am learning. The blog is like my box of secret treasures. I like to pull a story from the box and look it over and remember where I was when I "found" it. I place it gently back in the box and take out another. I take great delight in adding new treasures to my box. But like every box of treasured mementos, some are more fabulous than others. Some are little pebbles, found in the dirt. Some are ticket stubs to a favorite show. Others are like a delicately dried flower given to you by a cherished love. Each one is in the box for a reason: it represents a special memory of a past experience.

Not so right now. Sunday's lesson has nothing but negative, inadequate, and scary feelings attached to it. I can't put that in my treasure box. I am frustrated. I am disappointed. I am discouraged. I'm disheartened. And since I don't want to write about the lesson, nothing else will come either. And while I have a stack of drafts ready to publish, I feel dishonest posting those while this one is weighing so heavily on my mind.

The sting of Sunday's failure is slowly fading. I hope that by tomorrow I won't even perseive it as a failure, but rather as a simple indicator of what work I still need to do with Sydney. When the memory can become something useful, I'll share it and happily add it to the box. Until then, can I just say thank you to those of you who have already kindly shared your experiences with me about how long the get-to-know-you period lasts with horse? I appreciate those "keep on trucking" comments. Here's to a new day.

Melinda Faubel link

2/27/2012 10:57:50 pm

Oh I so get what you mean about the treasures. I'm going through all my old blog posts from 2009 for a project and while it's so much fun to go back and read with pride the fun stuff - it is SO PAINFUL to go through and read some of the sad, frusterating moments. Blogging is like a bottle of wine. I like buying wine as a "remember" for a trip because it has joy that comes over time - the joy of being on the trip and picking the perfect bottle. The joy of seeing it in the cupboard and remembering the trip. The joy of drinking it and remembering the trip - perhaps with a friend. I think blogging is a lot like buying that bottle of wine and then sharing with a friend. It's more than a single event - you have to relive that moment several times over - whether it be good or bad.

I REALLY enjoy reading your blog and even if you decide to never talk about it, I hope you are able to get around your roadblock and get some posts out again :)

Lori

2/28/2012 01:15:40 am

That's what I hate and love about riding, it makes you reflect on so many different levels. I took a half a month off from riding this month for the exact same reason. I rode yesterday for the 1st time and it was blissful, my confidence cranked up a notch and I am glad I took the break, you will find a lesson in all of this.
Best Lori

Martina Peterson

2/28/2012 02:32:41 am

I'm sorry you are sad and discouraged today. I always try to remember that failure restated just turns into challenges and opportunities for growth. You have come so far in such a short period of time. It is great that you are passinate about your sport and even with the bumps and bruises along the way you are acheiving your goals while, I might add having a house to care for AND a full time job to maintain. I have always loved writing but have not pursued it like you have. You have a flair for it!! Lots of love.

SarahE link

2/28/2012 05:44:50 am

Yeah. Tough. Isn't it amazing how blogging keeps you honest, forcing you to deal with the challenges as well as the glory moments? I think posting will make you feel better about it. You can chop it up if that helps.
And congrats on progress with the halter-release!

Karen

2/28/2012 10:47:24 am

Thank you all so very, very much. I am pretty goal oriented and driven to succeed. Failure is a bitter pill to swallow. It really means a lot to me to read so many encouraging comments. :0)

Judy

2/28/2012 11:20:09 am

Karen, I love reading your blogs! Of course I love reading about "horsey" things even if at times I might get lost in some of the technical aspects. But even more, I love the honesty of your writing. Anyone learning a new sport can relate to the frustration of feeling like you take one step forward and two steps back as part of the learning curve. But your "success" is also tied into your riding partner who may not be nearly as motivated to achieve excellence as you are! Maybe that bad boy is bored with all the disciplined movement and needs to run out some of his pent up energy! I know you'll get it figured out and get him back on track. How does that go now.....shoulders back, chin up and.....boobs out!!! xoxo

3/1/2012 09:50:09 am

Thanks, Judy! :0)

Kendal

2/29/2012 09:07:50 am

Hey Karen,
Sorry the lesson wasnt the greatest. Not every one of them can go in the treasure box... right away. Some lessons, you click with the horse, I would call that like a perfectly cut diamond. Sometimes, you get that diamond in the rough.. glimmers of understanding?
Sometimes you just get a @#%# chunk of coal. Even that piece of coal turns into something great someday. Just takes some time for things to click into place.

As far as how long that takes? I've had Carra for over a year now. We like each other when we are riding, but she is the pushiest alpha baby mare on the ground. Pisses me off on a regular basis, but I know that with time, her baby antics will go away as long as I enforce the good behavior over.. and over.. and over. Takes time.

I am still super impressed that you can crack the nut AND stick them out at the same time. Apparently I am only coordinated at doing one at a time. I either have a rediculous strong le

2/29/2012 09:09:18 am

HAHA I cut myself off, accidently deleted and hit send at the same time! Like I was saying about coordination... :) I guess you get the picture.
You are doing really great and will only get better.
Kendal

3/1/2012 09:53:22 am

Thank you, Kendal. Everyone's supportive comments have been so helpful. I can't believe how encouraging a bunch of "strangers" can be. I am so blessed. :0)

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Not-So-Speedy Dressage