Sometimes We Need to Hit Pause

Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer at STC Dressage sent out an email mid-week last week canceling all lessons at his barn due to rain. Knowing that we don't get nearly as much rain as he does, he told me to keep him posted about my own footing. It was supposed to rain off and on all last Friday night which meant I wouldn't really know about the footing unless I drove out there at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning. I texted him to cancel. I didn't care whether the footing was good or not. I didn't want a lesson.

June 2019 - Speedy's flying changes definitely were sassy!

That's just so unlike me. I am all in all the time. Lately though, as I've already described, lessons have begun to feel like a chore. They're not fun, and I am not feeling energized and motivated by them. I should add that it's not Sean's fault. It's not like he has turned into a jerk over the past month; it's me. I've been putting so much pressure on both Izzy and myself to IMPROVE ALL THE TIME that I am exhausted and not feeling very kindly toward the sport.

Even at his worst he made me laugh.

Being middle-aged has its advantages. One of which is a certain amount of wisdom as a result of experience and age. I no longer let myself get so far off into the deep end before I start looking for a life preserver. Instead, I start to evaluate which way the tide is going, and I start paddling for shore. While I might have felt a twinge of guilt about canceling the lesson, I knew I had my best interests at heart. I did ride on Saturday, later in the day, but I took Sunday off. Of course it rained off and on all day, so I didn't feel guilty, but it was a nice break from the monotony of having to ride and "succeed."

I remember this EXACT moment. He. would. not. change! LOL

This week my rides have been a lot less goal oriented. I am riding the horse I have rather than the one I think I should have. We've schooled the flying changes and gotten them. We've schooled the flying changes and not gotten them. I didn't care. I just went on to something else and focused on creating a better connection with my horse. I (mostly) blocked out my inner critic and tried to stay in the moment. It definitely helped. I am supposed to have a lesson in the morning, but I cancelled it and the next three. I talked to Sean last night about cancelling my weekly lessons until the new year. He understood and even said that sometimes a break can be the way to move forward,

I already feel better.