Really Gross, Butt ...

No matter what you call it, monkey butt, swamp ass, heat rash ... it's a serious pain in the butt. If you live anywhere that experiences summer, you know how butt sweat can leave you doing a duck waddle.

We aren't at full summer yet here in California, but it is just around the corner. Spring or not, the mercury has already played with the 90 degree mark, and I've been hustling to restock my monkey butt remedies. 

First up, Body Glide. You can buy it at various sporting good stores, but it can be hard to find. Instead of asking the salesperson where to find it and then getting The Look, I now order mine from the Riding Warehouse. 

Body Glide comes in a deodorant shaped tube and dispenses the same way. It goes on smooth without being sticky, and it doesn't stain anything. While the packaging claims that it provides all-day protection, I've discovered that in the middle of summer, my bum prefers more frequent applications.

As a side note, I've discovered that the tube keeps getting smaller. When I opened the box containing my most recent order, I was shocked to see that the tube was half the size it was last year. I did some googling and found that the size/price varies from $9.99/1.5 oz. to $5.00/0.35 oz. Riding Warehouse now carries an 0.8 oz tube for $7.95.

​Next Up - the Powders.

My first defense is Body Glide, but after a really sweaty ride, I still get chafed. While the powders don't help prevent the rash (I must sweat A LOT), they do help soothe the skin after the fact. I now see Anti Monkey Butt Powder in stores locally, even at my feed store, but again, I just order it from the Riding Warehouse. A 6 oz. bottle goes for $5.50.

​Another solution, Change Clothes. 

No matter how summer weight breeches claim to be, they don't live in my summer. I regularly ride in temperatures of 90 - 100 ℉. No pair of breeches, especially full seats, can keep you comfortable in those temperatures. As unflattering as it usually is, I strip out of my breeches in favor of a pair of shorts. I keep them in my barn bag, ready to go at all times.

​And finally, Clean Up and Use Fresh Undies.

I don't know why sweat cools off your face but burns your bum, but it does. Other than using the swimming pool right after riding, I've found that simply "tidying up" can also pre-empt swamp ass. I keep these little moist wipes in my barn bag all summer. And if I know it's going to be a long day, like a two and a half hour drive back from a lesson, I'll also bring a clean pair of undies to go along with my shorts.

Whether you call it swamp ass or monkey butt, sweaty, chafed skin sure is a pain in the butt!