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Not-So-Speedy Dressage

From Endurance to Dressage

If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say ...

1/13/2016

 
I mentioned that I got a new car a week or so ago even though my old car was running great. The reason I wanted a new car was that I really wanted some up-to-date technology. The best my old car could offer was power windows, cruise control, and remote keyless entry. Juke has all the new stuff: navigational system; front, rear, and perimeter cameras; Sirius Radio; push button start; heated seats; and of course, I can sync my iPhone.

Last year, just as itsseason had ended, someone turned me on to the podcast, Serial, which was perfect timing because I was able to listen to the entire season over the course of about a week. With no cool technology in my car, I put my iPad on my lap, cranked up the volume, and listened on my way to and from work - slightly unsafe, I know. A week or so ago, a friend reminded me that season two was underway, so I quickly dowloaded the first four episodes on my iPhone and listened through my car's stereo system. Ah ... the luxuries of living in a First World Country.
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From Serial's website, "Serial is a podcast from the creators of This American Life, hosted by Sarah Koenig. Serial tells one story—a true story—over the course of a season. Each season, we follow a plot and characters wherever they take us. We won’t know what happens at the end until we get there, not long before you get there with us. Each week we bring you the next chapter in the story, so it's important to listen to the episodes in order."
This is not the purpose of this post, but my whole driving experience has changed dramatically for the better since I started listening to podcasts. I have discovered that I am a MUCH more patient driver if I am listening to something that gets me thinking rather than just tapping my toes to a beat. I quickly realized however that ​Serial's episodes are only released weekly which was not enough to get me through a week of driving to and from work, so I checked out This American Life - the creators of Serial.
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From their website: This American Life is a weekly public radio show broadcast on more than 500 stations to about 2.2 million listeners.
The first episode I chose to hear, #545 - If you Don't Have Anything Nice to Say, SAT IT ALL IN CAPS, was about the horrible, or just plain weird, comments people make on social media. Halfway through the episode, I was hooked.
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This particular episode was divided into several different mini-stories. It was the first story of episode #545 that was so fascinating. The woman telling the story was talking about trolling - people who make mean and hateful comments on social media because they can.
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The topic resonated with me because bloggers often suffer the same treatment. I've written over 1,600 blog posts myself and have luckily never received any truly nasty comments. That's probably because my posts are hardly polarizing and they rarely push people's buttons. Some of you address hot topics though, so I know that you've more than likely been attacked by a troll or two.
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For a short while I had a commenter who couldn't wait to take pot shots at me and seemed to take particular delight in criticizing me. While it irked me, I actually laughed at some of her comments and usually rolled my eyes. I rarely responded because friends and other readers tended to come to my defense.

Ultimately, I realized that she just wanted to spew nastiness for the sake of being nasty. If she really didn't agree with me or didn't like what I was writing, she didn't have to read my posts. I sort of took it as a compliment that she found my writing compelling enough to come back for more. I haven't heard from her in awhile - maybe the quality of my writing has gone downhill?

How do you deal with the mean people out there? ​Do you delete their posts? Fire off a witty retort? Do you let other readers put the trolls in their place? Or do you do nothing at all?

And please, social media trolls, this is NOT a personal invitation. Do your business elsewhere!
Amanda link
1/13/2016 06:31:01 am

I kinda feel like if I'm willing to plaster my opinion/life on the internet for all to see, people have the right to react how they'd like. I might think their reaction is stupid, but none-the-less... it's just something you have to be willing to deal with if you're going to blog. ;) I would never delete a post. Whether or not I'd respond really depends on what was said and what it was about. I really don't care that much if people like me or agree with me or think I'm just plain dumb/irritating. There will always be someone out there who feels that way, and it doesn't really bother me. If they want to be super bitchy about it, they can go right ahead.

Bakersfield Dressage link
1/13/2016 10:51:03 am

I agree with you, Amanda. If you're putting your ideas out on the web, you're sort of asking for it (to a point). I am not one to engage in an argument online, and rarely do so in person either. With that said, there's no reason to be mean when you disagree. Disagree, but be polite. :0)

jenj
1/13/2016 06:42:04 am

If you put your life out there, you have to be prepared to have a thick skin about it. The Internet provides anonymity so people can be as rude as they want. That's childish and helps no-one, but it doesn't seem to stop people from doing it. I tend to stay away from controversial topics just because I don't want to go there. However, if I really didn't want to bother with comments, I'd just turn them off, or make my blog private.

Bakersfield Dressage link
1/13/2016 10:51:44 am

Agreed. That's pretty much my philosophy too.

Lauren link
1/13/2016 07:47:51 am

First off, I ADORE this American Life and think about it / reference it in my writing a lot.

With trolls, partially I've developed a thicker skin and partially I've given them less to troll about. I used to write posts that opened up discussion or controversy. Lately my blogging style has changed and the content shifts the discussion. Plus, trolls tend to feel sorry for you when you find your husband dead.. small bright sides ;)

Bakersfield Dressage link
1/13/2016 10:53:45 am

Funny, Lauren! Not funny, but you know what I mean. I know you were writing things for a while that DID push buttons. I guess it's harder for people to "disagree" when you're writing about your personal feelings. :0)

Desirea link
1/13/2016 09:02:09 am

As a programmer, I've worked online for 15 years. I've been online for more than 20 years and participated in different forums. If you watch politics online, you'll see them posting (and a lot of them are internet shills paid to post).

When it's personal online, it's easy to say things online because they aren't looking into someone's face. In real life, you hear about things people say behind your back. The backstabbers pretty much never say things to your face. On the other hand, online, this is not a problem. They can't see your eyes or your face and are more willing to attack you to your face.

The best way to deal with an internet troll is not to engage them.

I remember a conversation I had with a very prominent rider. We were talking about an online subscription service she was working on and we got sidetracked into a discussion about a forum that we were members. She'd been attacked on the forum after posting. She didn't join in the discussion but the people who like her training and what she teaches did jump in to defend her. She handled it the best way she could - with class.

The best thing you can do is to ignore the trolls or as we IT people say...

Don't Feed the Trolls

Bakersfield Dressage link
1/13/2016 12:21:23 pm

Since I don't have any trolls, it's not a problem, but I've learned that stupid/mean people are just stupid and mean and it's best to not engage them. :0)

Austen link
1/13/2016 09:10:45 am

It was me, wasn't it. I was your troll. It's okay, you can say it. After all, I do like living under bridges and eating goats. ;)

This American Life, Serial, Freakonomics, and Radio Lab. I live for these things. And now audiobooks. Thanks Audible!

Bakersfield Dressage link
1/13/2016 12:22:56 pm

Of course it's not you!!! :0)

I don't spend a lot of time in my car, but you've given me lots of things to look into. Thanks!

Megan link
1/13/2016 10:24:54 am

I haven't had too many people make negative comments. I dunno if it's the luxury of being an upper level rider that when I post video/pictures, people don't feel like they can critique me (not that I'm complaining, I would never critique someone without being asked to)? Or if it's just that I'm careful not to post anything that makes me look real bad. I am surprised I haven't gotten more people shaking their fist at me for using draw reins on my 4 year old or using a driving whip on Rico (I guess that's not as bad, but I did smack him pretty good with it sometimes). But maybe I explained it well? Probably more likely that my blog just doesn't have the number of readers that a lot of blogs do.

The very few negative comments I have had are more like misunderstandings, where I'm told that my horse has ulcers or whatever. I usually respond to those giving as much benefit of the doubt as I can. Like you said, I think when people lash back without considering all options, that's when bad blood happens. Text can only tell you so much about what the motivation behind the comment was. I try to read everything in as happy/nice of a voice as possible.

Bakersfield Dressage link
1/13/2016 12:24:50 pm

I do the same thing, Megan - try to read comments in a "happy/nice" voice. Writing is difficult, and conveying the intended tone even more so. I tend to cut people slack.

Calm, Forward, Straight link
1/13/2016 10:29:14 am

I spend a big part of my day on a tractor doing monotonous tasks while being assaulted by loud engine noise. My lifesaver has been NPR and podcasts. The Moth, Ted Talks, Snap Judgement, Dear Sugar...

Bakersfield Dressage link
1/13/2016 12:25:49 pm

My drive is only 20 minutes each direction so I don't get to listen for very long, but I'll check out your list!

Jodi link
1/13/2016 11:16:20 am

I haven't really had any mean comments, maybe a couple slightly snarky ones. It probably wouldn't bother me much on my own posts, but I hate when I see nasty comments on someone else's. I just think that it's possible to get your point across without being a heifer (or troll) about it. It's always interesting how offended people can get over another person's life.

Bakersfield Dressage link
1/13/2016 12:29:14 pm

Isn't that the truth? In the episode that I referenced, the particular troll about whom she was talking was just pissed off about his OWN life (she later interviewed him) and needed to take it out on someone else. I genuinely feel that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but unfortunately there are a lot of mean people out there. Expressing your opinion in a non-confrontational way takes intelligence and empathy - things that are all too often lacking today.

emma link
1/13/2016 11:38:13 am

so far i haven't had to deal with this (and hopefully never will) since pretty much everyone who comments on mine is either also a blogger or is at least a known entity within the community. and i also don't really go for the hard-hitting topics either haha.

however i do occasionally try to take care with word choice etc to avoid any blow-ups...

Bakersfield Dressage link
1/13/2016 12:30:44 pm

Me too, emma, me too. I just want to share my equine life experiences with other like-minded people. What's so upsetting about that?!?!?

Teresa link
1/14/2016 04:29:20 pm

I wouldn't delete a comment that I took as a legitimate response to what I wrote.

However, when I did my blog post about my horse's death I thought that i was writing to the 25 people who read it. However, it went a bit viral and resulted in a few trolls coming out of the woodwork. I chose to delete the posts because they were hurtful and mean and (for example one wrote that he/she was glad my horse died because a horse is a useful animal and I'm a f***ing bitch).

My thoughts are that if someone wants to write vitriol they can start their own blog. This is my blog and I get to decide.

Bakersfield Dressage link
1/15/2016 12:13:05 pm

I agree. It's hard to figure out where that nastiness comes from. How could anyone even THINK of writing something so mean spirited?

ColbyJazzmus link
1/17/2016 03:28:41 pm

If you are looking for more podcasts, I highly recommend mystery show. Unfortunately the first season is really short, but it is far and away the best podcast I have ever heard. I also am a big fan of You Made it Weird with Pete Holmes, which is a comedy podcast, but I'm not so sure if that would fit your interests. Happy listening!

Bakersfield Dressage link
1/20/2016 06:29:59 pm

Thanks for the suggestion! Today, I listened to episode 1 of Mystery Show, but I am bummed that there seems to be only one very short season. Do you know if there is a season 2 or will be soon?

ColbyJazzmus link
1/21/2016 06:40:57 pm

I don't know specifically, their website just says it's in the works so hopefully not too long!


Comments are closed.

    About the Writer and Rider

    ​I am a lifelong rider. 
    I began endurance riding in 1996 where I ultimately completed five, one-day 100 mile races, the 200-mile Death Valley Encounter, and numerous other 50, 65, and 75 mile races. I began showing dressage in 2010.
    ​Welcome to my dressage journey.
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    About Speedy G

    ​Speedy went from endurance horse to dressage horse. After helping me earn a USDF Bronze medal in the summer of 2020, he is now semi-retired. Speedy is a 2004, 15'1 hand, purebred Arabian gelding. His Arabian Horse Registry name is G Ima Starr FA.
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    About Izzy

    Izzy was started as a four-year old and then spent the next 18 months in pasture growing up. I bought him as a six-year old, and together, we are showing at the lower levels. He is a 2008, 16'3 hand warmblood gelding. His Rheinland Pfalz-saar International (RPSI) name is Imperioso.
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Among other things, Karen is a Wife, Friend, Reader, Writer, Rider, Traveler, and Dog Lover
Contact her at bakersfielddressage@gmail.com
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