Finding Success in Failure - Part 1

On Friday, I was in a pretty low place, a place that is not good to be in for too long. The kind of place where you don't always come back from. I didn't want to go to the show, but like I mentioned on Friday, I dug deep and gave myself a huge kick in the butt. It wasn't worry about the show that had me so down, but rather life in general. I am happy to report that I came home on Sunday with joy in my heart and the feeling that it was all okay. I didn't realize how much I had needed a day off.

On Friday afternoon, Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer at STC Dressage, gave us a schooling lesson at SCEC. Izzy wasn't perfect, but he relaxed quickly and seemed to find some confidence. On Saturday morning, the warm up ring was full of absolute craziness, and it wasn't Izzy who started it. The day before had been quite warm, but Saturday was downright chilly. The horses all went a little nuts which sent Izzy careening over the edge.

You'll see the videos of both our Saturday rides below. There is nothing good to see in them, but you know, I don't care. I felt like I won the day. Sean helped me change my goals, and that made all the difference. I have more to share on that in tomorrow's post, but suffice it say that I was really proud of myself. After you see my scores, you'll wonder what I've been drinking, because they are NOT scores to be happy about. 

Rather than tell you what went wrong, you'll see that for yourself, I'd like to share what went right:

• Izzy stood for three days tied to the trailer without batting an eyelash. I got a day stall, but I never even used it. He was quite happy to rest at the trailer, taking it all in.
• He was very rideable during Friday's schooling ride.
• I tacked him up each day with no assistance and no shenanigans. He was quite easy to mange on the ground.
• Rather than ride down to the ring, I hand walked him, and he was much more manageable.
• He only screamed two or three times the whole weekend, and one of the screams was really puny.
• After each test, he was willing to stand quietly outside of the ring and be patted. There was no more get me the heck out of here attitude.
• He ate and drank like a champ even while tied up all day long at the trailer. 

When I think about success as the center of a ring of concentric circles, this weekend felt like we moved inward at least one ring. While our scores were actually worse, everything else about showing was better.

For First Level Test 1, we scored a 49.483% which was worse than we had done at our last show while showing at Second Level. It doesn't matter what level we drop down to. Until Izzy lets me make the decisions, our scores will be terrible no matter the level. Even so, he was easier to manage at First Level, and I think the drop down in level took some of the pressure away.

The second test of the day was even worse at 46.806%. I know at least some of you are asking why in the world I keep trying as Izzy obviously doesn't love this whole showing thing. I am sure some of you even think his failure to succeed is my fault. Surely I must be doing something wrong, probably many somethings. you may be right, but I don't think so and neither does my trainer.

As bad as the test went, I didn't feel disappointed or discouraged. I actually felt empowered and motivated. I am finally starting to believe my trainer when he says that I simply need to have confidence in the tools that I have. Rather than focus on the scores, I put all of my attention on applying what I've learned. It's difficult to feel like a failure when you ride well, and I think I handled Izzy's tension quite well.

Sunday's tests tomorrow ...