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Not-So-Speedy Dressage

From Endurance to Dressage

Confidence

7/18/2019

 
As my abilities develop, my confidence both waxes and wanes. One minute I am the world's greatest rider, and the next leaves me feeling as though I should sell everybody and move on to something else. We've all felt that way, I know.
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Where are you today?
Earlier in the year, a rider contacted me wanting to know about Bakersfield's dressage scene. She had just moved here and was getting ready to show at Third Level. I was excited because that was right where we were, and everyone knows misery loves company. ​
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My confidence at Third Level is developing.
Fair warning. I am a score stalker. When you say you're showing Third Level or Second Level or PSG, I'm going to look you up and see if your stats support your claim - especially if we're going to be building a relationship. I quickly discovered that this particular rider had shown a few times at Training Level in 2018. That was the extent of her showing experience.

The next time I heard anything about her, she was claiming to be a Fourth Level rider and had her Training Level horse decked out in a double bridle in an attempt to make it so. My thoughts? Wow. That's confidence.
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Can't. Get. The. Change. Looking to see if it happened!
Writing about my journey so publicly, I know it is impossible to fool anyone. I use my real name. I use Speedy's real name. I make it incredibly easy for anyone to check my "credentials." I post more blooper photos than I do of the carefully selected screen shots even though they paint a lovelier picture. For that matter, I post videos of our rides with the score sheets attached. There is no way I can claim to be anything other than what we are.
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What we are is a developing Third Level team with potential to do more.
So why do I write this blog? Why do I show everyone the ugly moments? The truth is that when I jumped into this dressage thing, I couldn't find any resources for a low level beginner like myself. Of course, that was before Twitter and Instagram and the explosion of social media. I decided that I'd be that resource for someone else. I knew that if I was struggling, others had to be as well.
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Only struggling a little bit in this baby half pass.
I've always referred to myself as a low level rider, but I think I need to adjust that moniker. While it feels arrogant and over-stepping, I think I should now consider myself a member of the mid-level ranks. That's going to take some confidence to pull off though. It's not that I don't think I belong there because I do. It's just that I don't want people thinking that I think I am better than I really am.
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I am loving how balanced he looks here.
All of which brings me to the lyrics of a song by Devin Dawson that have really resonated with me lately. The line comes from his song, "Dark Horse." In it he sings, "No, it ain't that I'm self-conscious, I'm just conscious of myself. And I don't know how to be nobody else." To me, that's confidence - an honest awareness of yourself and your abilities.
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That's either a confident smile or an I'm-so-glad-to-be-finished smile!
Confidence is defined as a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities. While I certainly struggle, I am also quick to recognize my strengths. Because of that awareness, I think I'd rather identify myself as a struggling rider and surprise myself rather than label myself accomplished and prove myself to be very, very wrong.

​What do you think?
Olivia link
7/18/2019 08:05:39 am

I'm with you; I'd rather tell the real story than live in a fantasy world. I also prefer reading the bloggers who tell the real story, not just the good moments.

Bakersfield Dressage link
7/18/2019 08:40:35 pm

Yep. Are there any bloggers who only write about the good moments? If there are, they certainly aren't on my radar. LOL I don't like the woe is me stuff either though. Personally, I enjoy hearing about problems where a solution has been found.

Confused Reader
7/18/2019 08:06:36 am

Are you....really judging someone for putting a training level horse in a double bridle and acting like that makes it a higher level horse? Like you did with Izzy? 🧐

Bakersfield Dressage link
7/18/2019 08:53:36 am

Yes, that is what I am saying. Without revealing too much about the rider, someone must have told her that she and her horse had talent (potential). She took that to mean that different tack would make a higher level horse.

As I’ve explained before, experimenting with the double bridle was just that, an experiment to see if it would give me control. And as I shared, it lasted less than a week before I tried something else. For a long time I ended up riding in a ported bit with some mild leverage which he goes in really well. I am now able to go back and forth between the ported leverage bit and a Dressage legal snaffle bit.

Putting a horse in a double bridle for appearance only is not the same thing as using a double bridle in an attempt to improve communication.

Karen Taylor
7/18/2019 11:38:22 am

Wait so, did this other rider show? You can't use scores as the only 'judgement' of someone's talent or abilities. Maybe she worked really hard and really is at third Level but just hasn't shown? I have a friend very much like this person you speak of, and it comes from just terrible insecurity.

Bakersfield Dressage link
7/18/2019 02:18:02 pm

I really don’t want to say much about this rider as it was not my intent to reveal her identity. But in answer to your question, no. She just started exaggerating her ability level out of a desire to have “arrived.” And sadly, she did it in a rather public way, embarrassing more than one trainer.

My post wasn’t about pointing fingers at any particular rider. Instead I had hoped to convey that we (meaning me) need to own our own journeys, acknowledging not only our shortcomings, but our progress as well.

Eventing Saddlebred
7/18/2019 03:06:56 pm

If it wasn’t your intention to point fingers at any rider why mention them at all? This post regardless of intention came off rather petty, especially if this person reads the blog.

Also Confused
7/20/2019 08:02:55 am

Longtime reader here, and I can't bite my tongue on this one. I think a rider that consistently gets the same criticism by judges re: her riding & aids and having an over-flexed horse at the poll, who focuses more on points than on the actual judge feedback, is not in a position to criticize another rider's journey, whether that criticism valid or not. Yes, you work very hard and how far you have come is both commendable and admirable. But this post would have held up fine without that inserted criticism. I agree that that bit of information about the other rider just makes the entire post sound petty.

SarahW link
7/19/2019 07:51:07 am

One of the reasons you are my favorite blogger to follow is because of your honesty. I relish in the authenticity and when people are afraid to be real in their success AND learning opportunities, it turns me off. How else do we learn? As riders, we are not competing against other riders, we are competing with ourselves. Hell, "competing" isn't even appropriate, we are testing ourselves.

Riding horses is humbling for everyone, we all need to remember that because when it's show day, I forget. I forget that other people have horses who will.not.bend, who call incessantly to their neighbors, who spook at rando people, etc. I WANT to be elite and looked up to and regarded with respect, for sure, because I look up to and respect lots of other rides, but frankly, that is NOT a goal to aspire to. That should NEVER be the goal (but when you're surrounded by lots of other well-behaved equines at a show, you can't help but wish you came across as awesome as you hoped you would because you didn't spend all these past years preparing in the hopes you would look like a hot mess).

ANYWAY, you lose much more than you gain by faking - faking experience, faking accomplishments, faking know-how, etc. We people are smart, we can smell rats/fakers/posers. And nothing destroys a relationship better than in-authenticity - horses ARE vulnerability - and if we can't be vulnerable (listening, caring, partaking in the relationship) with horses OR people, our spirits suffer.

Didn't mean to go all Brene Brown but the analogies are everywhere.

Anyway, thank YOU for your vulnerability and authenticity. It's completely appreciated by this random person over in Ohio. ;)

Bakersfield Dressage link
7/19/2019 01:32:46 pm

What you just said ... I'll take more of that, please!

Even though you said it perfectly and nothing I say will make it any better written ... I am reminded of something that happened when I first started out with the H/J trainer down the street:

All of her riders seemed so much better educated than I was. As they waited for my lessons to end and theirs to begin, they would wait patiently, observing the lesson. I mentioned it to the trainer one time because it made me feel so self-conscious. I was certain they were all judging my seat, my position, and my overall ineptitude.

The trainer was surprised that I would feel that way. She said that, yes, they were watching but it was only because they could remember the same struggles I was having. Instead of judging, they were rooting for me to get it - whatever "it" was. They were also watching to learn.

That experience still resonates with me. I am ALWAYS rooting for a rider to have a successful ride, and when something goes wrong, I cringe FOR her, never judging, only knowing exactly what it feels like. You are so right that honesty serves us so much better than faking it.

Thank you for sharing. Making connections with other riders is one of my favorite things about being a blogger. :0)


Comments are closed.

    About the Writer and Rider

    ​I am a lifelong rider. 
    I began endurance riding in 1996 where I ultimately completed five, one-day 100 mile races, the 200-mile Death Valley Encounter, and numerous other 50, 65, and 75 mile races. I began showing dressage in 2010.
    ​Welcome to my dressage journey.
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    Photo by Lori Ovanessian

    About Speedy G

    ​Speedy went from endurance horse to dressage horse. After helping me earn a USDF Bronze medal in the summer of 2020, he is now semi-retired. Speedy is a 2004, 15'1 hand, purebred Arabian gelding. His Arabian Horse Registry name is G Ima Starr FA.
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    July 2020 (PC AJSK Photography)

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    Izzy was started as a four-year old and then spent the next 18 months in pasture growing up. I bought him as a six-year old, and together, we are showing at the lower levels. He is a 2008, 16'3 hand warmblood gelding. His Rheinland Pfalz-saar International (RPSI) name is Imperioso.
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    March 2021 (PC Tess Michelle Photography)

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