In case you missed it and feel compelled to read it, Part 1 can be found here.

While day two's scores showed marked improvement over the previous day's scores, they were still atrocious. Since scoring well wasn't my focus though, it didn't matter. What mattered was whether or not I used the tools that Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer at STC Dressage, has given me. More than that, I wanted to feel confident in using those tools. And you know what? I did!

Izzy and I have not had the best luck at shows. More than once we've had to show during a freestyle. This show presented some unique distractions. At the same time that my warm up was to begin, the Halloween costume parade was planned to happen. I ended up following a trio of wildly costumed horses - more on that tomorrow, down to the warm up ring. Fortunately, they turned right and Izzy and I turned left. I deliberately made sure to leave the trailer early so that we followed the costumes instead of walking towards them. Having scary objects moving away is less terrifying than walking towards them.

We made it to the warm up, and Izzy was his regular tense self. This time, rather than feeling helpless, I just got to work. I never doubted myself. I just rode him like I would have at home. Eventually, Sean found us in the warm up and started offering feedback. Since I was doing everything right, there wasn't much more he could say other than to confirm my riding choices. After one particularly hard bolt and spook, I brought Izzy to a halt and just patted his neck. I could feel the tension ebb away, and Sean could see it even from half way across the arena. Keep doing that was Sean's advice.

The other scary thing that gave me pause was that yet again, a freestyle was just about to go off in the ring right next to us. Fortunately, the ring steward was looking out for me. After a brief consultation with show management, my trainer, and the judge, I was ushered up to the ring early so that I could try to finish my test before the music started. My ride was the first after lunch, but since the judge was ready, she suggested we start.

Sure enough, just as I did my final halt and salute, some very high energy music came blaring through the speakers. I think a free style is in Izzy's future because he (yet again) piaffed his way out of the ring in time to the music. ​Of course, neither test rode well, but the scores were better than they were the first day, and we rode in the same ring with the same judge. For First Level Test 1 our scores went from 49.483% to 53.621%. For Test 3, we went from 46.806% to 49.583%. They're terrible scores, but they did get better.

The thing that finally convinced me that I really don't suck rotten eggs was the feedback from several complete strangers. As I finished the last test, a rider who had stopped to watch (our train wreck), walked over and very enthusiastically congratulated me on my riding ability. Not just once, but repeatedly. She felt compelled to convince me that I looked very much in control while still being relaxed. She said that not many riders can ride a hot horse so calmly. Of course I burst into tears at her generosity, but I didn't try to convince her that I am really a hack. Instead, I thanked her as sincerely as I could.

A few moments later, a working student of Hilda Gurney's came up and said pretty much the same thing. She was parked next to me so we had chatted throughout the weekend. Her comment also included this: I know why you keep trying with this horse. He's got something special. I like him! Who doesn't want to hear that?

So there you go. It looks as though I've finally found some confidence, and the instant I did, other people noticed. I always try to offer positive feedback to my fellow riders because I know how harmful self-doubt can be. It's hard for me to be on the receiving end of that feedback though. This weekend, I kicked self-doubt to the curb and allowed myself to be receptive of some much needed positive energy.

​Here are the two tests, wild and wooly and unedited. Enjoy the rodeo!

On Friday, I was in a pretty low place, a place that is not good to be in for too long. The kind of place where you don't always come back from. I didn't want to go to the show, but like I mentioned on Friday, I dug deep and gave myself a huge kick in the butt. It wasn't worry about the show that had me so down, but rather life in general. I am happy to report that I came home on Sunday with joy in my heart and the feeling that it was all okay. I didn't realize how much I had needed a day off.

On Friday afternoon, Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer at STC Dressage, gave us a schooling lesson at SCEC. Izzy wasn't perfect, but he relaxed quickly and seemed to find some confidence. On Saturday morning, the warm up ring was full of absolute craziness, and it wasn't Izzy who started it. The day before had been quite warm, but Saturday was downright chilly. The horses all went a little nuts which sent Izzy careening over the edge.

You'll see the videos of both our Saturday rides below. There is nothing good to see in them, but you know, I don't care. I felt like I won the day. Sean helped me change my goals, and that made all the difference. I have more to share on that in tomorrow's post, but suffice it say that I was really proud of myself. After you see my scores, you'll wonder what I've been drinking, because they are NOT scores to be happy about. 

Rather than tell you what went wrong, you'll see that for yourself, I'd like to share what went right:

• Izzy stood for three days tied to the trailer without batting an eyelash. I got a day stall, but I never even used it. He was quite happy to rest at the trailer, taking it all in.
• He was very rideable during Friday's schooling ride.
• I tacked him up each day with no assistance and no shenanigans. He was quite easy to mange on the ground.
• Rather than ride down to the ring, I hand walked him, and he was much more manageable.
• He only screamed two or three times the whole weekend, and one of the screams was really puny.
• After each test, he was willing to stand quietly outside of the ring and be patted. There was no more get me the heck out of here attitude.
• He ate and drank like a champ even while tied up all day long at the trailer. 

When I think about success as the center of a ring of concentric circles, this weekend felt like we moved inward at least one ring. While our scores were actually worse, everything else about showing was better.

For First Level Test 1, we scored a 49.483% which was worse than we had done at our last show while showing at Second Level. It doesn't matter what level we drop down to. Until Izzy lets me make the decisions, our scores will be terrible no matter the level. Even so, he was easier to manage at First Level, and I think the drop down in level took some of the pressure away.

The second test of the day was even worse at 46.806%. I know at least some of you are asking why in the world I keep trying as Izzy obviously doesn't love this whole showing thing. I am sure some of you even think his failure to succeed is my fault. Surely I must be doing something wrong, probably many somethings. you may be right, but I don't think so and neither does my trainer.

As bad as the test went, I didn't feel disappointed or discouraged. I actually felt empowered and motivated. I am finally starting to believe my trainer when he says that I simply need to have confidence in the tools that I have. Rather than focus on the scores, I put all of my attention on applying what I've learned. It's difficult to feel like a failure when you ride well, and I think I handled Izzy's tension quite well.

Sunday's tests tomorrow ...

Not mine, at least not in the traditional sense, but I'll get to that in a day or two. First, I have to brag about my"new" trainer and HIS success. Last spring, I started training with Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer at STC Dressage. It has been a year or two since Sean has been able to show. First, COVID caused shows to be cancelled and then he was in an awkward place with several of his horses - they weren't quite ready for the next level and going backwards didn't seem super productive. This weekend's show at Southern California Equestrian Center gave Sean the opportunity to finally show off his stuff.

On Saturday morning, Sean started off with Clooney at PSG. Clooney belongs to my friend, Valerie, owner of the Dressage Pony Store. Check out her site - she has more than just pony stuff, and she is always searching for European styles for both horse and rider. She carries a lot of things that you won't see at the big name retailers, but her pricing is just as competitive. Anyway, she owns Clooney, a Westphalen pony, and he is FANCY. While Valerie does show and ride Clooney herself, she is very interested in seeing Sean get this handsome fellow to the Grand Prix, and they are almost there.

For their Saturday ride, Sean and Clooney knocked it out of the park. Sean rode the most harmonious test possible, and Clooney was rock solid. They ended up with the Open High Point score with a very respectable 73.824%. Later that day, Sean rode Bella, a five year old Hanoverian mare that he has had in training for the past year. This was her first show ever, and she scored a 68% and change for her first test which was the high point for Ring 2.

Sunday's scores were just as fantastic, if not better. Sean rode Bella for a score in the 70s. Bella is for sale by the way. She's a sweet girl who is obviously talented and very willing. She would make a lovely partner for an amateur or open rider. Sean's success didn't end there though. He again rode Clooney at PSG and took home ANOTHER score in the 70s!

It was so much fun to support Sean and see him do so well. Of course, it also reaffirms that I made a good choice in trainer. Seeing him ride so successfully while using the same ideas that he is teaching me only confirms that he knows what he's doing. While Izzy and I weren't so successful in earning good scores, I came home feeling great about the show and am already looking forward to next year.

Congratulations, Sean, you deserve it!

... Level that is. Izzy and I will be at a show this weekend. In an effort to build his confidence and reduce his anxiety - doing BOTH would solve ALL of the world's problems, we'll be showing at First Level. We tried Second last year, and it was an epic failure. He can do the movements, he just can't do them while being relaxed which means our scores really stink. So, First Level it is. 

I'll be honest though; life has been pretty hard on me these last few months. I don't even want to go to this show. Frankly I don't want to do anything but get back into bed for three months. I haven't even read through the First Level tests. I finally printed them this morning. I'll read through them tonight, but that's not usually the way I roll. I am a planner, organizer, dot all my "i"s, and cross all my "t"s kind of girl. Being so unprepared is not like me. 

Like I always do - until the time that I can't, I'll pick myself up, slap a smile on my face, and power through. Back in my endurance riding days, when the miles in front of you just seemed like too many to travel, we would suck it up and say, You can rest when you die. Life isn't easy. Sometimes, you just have to show some grit and get it done.

Fortunately, I have a great team who I know will pick me up even though they won't know they're doing so. Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer st STC Dressage, and his team of riders are all going to the show. Sean is showing Clooney after a long hiatus, and he is showing a lovely mare that he has had in training for a few months. He'll be there to coach me, and we'll all be there to support him. We're also having a Friday night barn party which has quickly become part of our show weekend routine.

Once I am surrounded by friends and ponies, my outlook will be much brighter; I am sure of it.

I never felt truly successful on Speedy, even so, we enjoyed a ridiculous amount of success. We won at least five neck ribbons. We earned a number of "Year End Champion" trophies from my chapter of the California Dressage Society. From CDS, we earned the Ruby Rider Award and Horse Performance Awards from each level that I entered. We won the CDS Regional Adult Amateur Competition for Intro, Training, and Second Levels and were reserve at First Level. We earned all three of the USDF Rider Performance Awards as well as a USDF Bronze Medal. After such a dismal 2021 show season with Izzy, Speedy and I look BRILLIANT in retrospect.

Spending the last year earning scores in the 50s has been heartbreaking. I don't blame Izzy at all. I've known for a quite a long time that under a more knowledgable rider, he would have been much farther along in his education and would likely have been earning scores that would make him eligible for awards and trophies. With me aboard, that hasn't happened. Yet.

During my Saturday lesson with Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer at STC Dressage, I finally told him that I didn't know why I was going to the show at the end of the month. Not only are we going down a level, but I have no hope of earning a decent score. Sean pulled the plug on that thinking almost immediately. "What's going to happen when you're in the warm up and Izzy gets tense?" he asked. "Will you get mad at your horse?"

"No," I replied. "I'll simply feel frustrated."

"And Izzy will feel your frustration, and he'll feel anxious." Sean replied. "You'll get into the ring already knowing that you're not going to get whatever score you wanted. You'll get more frustrated, tense, and angry and Izzy will feel that. Sunday's ride will be even wore." 

"Then why bother spending $700 at all? Why not just skip the whole thing and stay home?" I asked.

"We need to see where he is. A show will show how well we're doing." Sean answered.

We continued to chat about it, but I wasn't feeling any better. Isn't a show the place where you SHOW OFF your horse? I am tired of looking foolish. I am tired of earning scores that clearly indicate we don't belong out there. Why bother?  

Sean had me think about reframing my goals. My goal cannot be to go out there and earn high scores. Instead, he wants me to focus on going out there and applying what I've been learning over the past six months. How well can I use the tools that he has given me? What will happen if I do? Instead of going with the goal of earning at least a 60%, he wants me to ditch the idea of scores completely. That is such a hard thing to do, but it did me no good last year. What do I have to lose?

Instead of aiming for a 60%, my goal is to reduce Izzy's anxiety by trying the different techniques that Sean has been teaching me. If Izzy spooks, I'll ignore it. If Izzy bolts, I'll stay soft and follow, but I'll also do what I have to keep control. If Izzy pushes against me, I'll use one of the strategies we've worked on for softening his under neck muscles - halt and get round, over exaggerate the inside bend, and move his body around. When Izzy is round, I'll push the swing once and see what I get. When Izzy focuses on me, I'll reward him with a scratch.

It won't be easy to ignore the scores, but having a different goal gives me a better chance for success. I don't need to win, I just need to feel that I am doing something right. Having Sean determine my goal also takes some of the responsibilities off my shoulders. He wants me to focus on implementing the lessons I've learned. If I do that, then I'll have been successful.

I won't turn down a generous judge or a bit of luck though.