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Part 1 Spoiler alert: We did not win anything, nor did we get that elusive 60%. Instead, Izzy continued to show great improvement which has been our goal from the beginning. Mission accomplished. However. While this show had some super great moments - we earned an 8 for our counter canter; there were others that left a bitter taste in my mouth. For the first time ever, I felt that my scores didn't accurately reflect the ride I had.  Not one of the disappointing moments. I know there are many people out there rooting for our success; your support means a lot. There are also those out there who feel vindicated when I fail. My low scores only prove their point. We struggle, and there's no hiding that, so when I say my scores from Saturday were maybe not so fair, many of you will agree while others will say they are exactly what I deserve. I'll let you be the judge. For the warm up on Saturday, Izzy was game on. He listened and kept his attention on me. Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer at STC Dressage, was thrilled with Izzy's behavior. Sean worked as coach, trainer, groom, and life coach. Throughout the day he kept both Izzy and me motivated and focused. He reminded me repeatedly that I have the tools to ride Izzy successfully, so when we entered at A, I felt confident that this was it; this was going to be the test where we finally proved that we were where we belonged. Things didn't go quite to plan. When we walked out of the test, Sean shook his head and sighed. I agreed with the sentiment. The horse I had in the warmup was most definitely not the horse that halted at X. Izzy basically threw a temper tantrum, stamping his feet while sticking out his lower lip and saying NO. It was embarrassing to say the least. My videographer had some technical difficulties, so the test was recorded in two chunks. If you watch them, I am sure you'll agree with the judge's score of 50.405%   As frustrating as it was, Sean immediately moved on. Yes, Izzy was hot and cranky, but we still had a job to do. We took him back to the trailer where we untacked him and let him eat and drink for a while. There was nothing to do but regroup and try again. An hour later, we were back in the warm up on a horse with a much better attitude. I got some of the best toward the bit feeling that Izzy has offered so far. My earlier disappointment had faded, and I felt we were truly ready to "show." I finished the second test with a huge smile. It was the best feeling test we'd ridden so far. That doesn't mean it was brilliant, but there were some really good moments and far fewer bad moments. Both Sean and I were certain that we had finally hit a 60%. The judge disagreed. Not only did she think the ride was a failure, but in her further remarks, she basically said we didn't belong at Second Level. She gave us a 52.561%, a mere 2% better than the first ride.   I've since watched the test a few times while reading the judge's comments, and while they may be justifiable, they also feel punitive. It's probably a case of sour grapes, but I truly thought that we deserved better. It felt as though she had made up her mind about us during the first test and simply expected us to perform poorly for the second test. We did have a few rough moments, of that there is no doubt. Would another judge have been able to forgive the earlier ride and score us with a fresh view? I don't know. While it was upsetting, there was nothing to do but go out there the next day and prove her wrong.
To be continued ... Part 1 Part 2 By Sunday morning of a two-day show, I am always tired. When I was showing Speedy, the exhaustion was always physical. Spending three days at a show flitting from stall to stall, visiting with friends and then camping in the trailer never gave me much rest time. Doing it all with Izzy is even harder because he challenges me emotionally. Managing both his anxiety and my stress takes a fair amount of energy.  Medium Trot - 6.0 " Needs power & ground cover" Tired or not, my attitude had been readjusted the night before, and I was ready. The pep talk, also known as a butt kicking, that I had received the night before from Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer at STC Dressage, and Laura Goodenkauf had freshened my resolve. I felt both gritty and empowered - weird to feel that combo at the same time, but it's probably a lot how Wonder Woman feels after taking an ass-kicking. Suffering Sappho. I decided that I didn't care what it felt like - both Sean and Laura had told me that what it feels like at a show is not always how it looks at a show. The most important thing was to be IN CONTROL by the Sphere of Athena!  I must have done something right because we were able to improve on the previous day's Test 1 score by 10.5 points which gave us a 58.784% - almost 3% better. Sean has told me more than once that one percent better each time will really start to add up. For test 1, we earned 16 scores of 6.0 or better! I've never been happy with scores below 60%, but for this test, I knew we had done better than the day before, so I gave myself a pat on the back for a job (mostly) well done.   With only one ride between my two tests, I didn't bother with another warm up. Izzy was as good as he was going to get. My friend Valerie stood at Izzy's shoulder with the reins in her hand. Every time he tried to snap his head up, she reminded him that the airspace above his ears belonged to me, and he wasn't welcome up there. Having her be the bad guy for those few minutes gave me a moment to regroup and kept Izzy from getting irritated with me.  The second test of the day wasn't brilliant, but it was probably the best test we've done so far. We earned 14 points more than the day before for a score of 59.268% (more than 3% better!). As much as I hate knowing by how much we missed a 60%, I always check. We missed it by a mere 3 points. I refuse to be disappointed though. For the first seven movements we had a string of 7.0s, 6.5s, and 6.0s. For every movement that gave us trouble, we bounced back with another 7.0 or 6.5. In total, we had 18 scores of 6.0 or greater (out of 32). This test showed me that even when Izzy's tense, he can get 7.0s. What will we earn when he's slightly less tense?   We have two more shows to do before the end of the show season. Normally I would be thinking about the Regional Adult Amateur Competition (RAAC), but since we didn't qualify (yet), we won't be going to RAAC or Championships. With that pressure off though, my goal for the rest of the show season is to try to finish with no more 4.0s on our score sheets. I would like to eliminate the 5.0s as well, but one thing at a time.
Yesterday, Sean left me with this final thought ... "The tools are everything! Once you learn to have more confidence in them, it won't matter how he is, you'll know you have the tools to deal with it!" Part 1 Showing is hard. Showing an anxious horse makes it even harder. Showing Speedy was often disappointing because our scores tended toward the low end much of the time. After enough persistent work, our scores would eventually come up, but it wasn't exactly easy. Speedy is great fun to ride though. He loves showing and always performs better at a show than at home. I didn't realize how lucky I was to have a horse who wasn't tense and anxious. I always thought having a horse with talent trumped all else. For open riders, that may well be the truth, but for a middle-aged amateur like myself, I realize now that talent isn't always enough. A good mind counts for a whole lot.  Loads of talent that comes with lots of anxiety. Izzy has talent, maybe too much. So far, there hasn't been anything he can't do. When I position him correctly and get out of his way and let him do the movement, he floats. Having a horse that can do it and allowing the horse to do it is a new way of thinking for me. If I took the aids off Speedy for even a second, he fell apart. Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer at STC Dressage, is helping me understand how to ride Izzy. Continuing to ask for the movement without allowing Izzy to just do it causes some of Izzy's anxiety. Not all of it, of course, he generates plenty of his own, but allowing him to half pass or carry himself in the shoulder-in or travers lets him know that that there is a right way to channel his energy. Understanding that was a huge take-away this past weekend.  For the first time ever, I was scheduled to ride the more difficult of my two tests first. Since we haven't been even close to fabulous, I decided to roll with it. It's not uncommon for me to do better on the first test anyway, so if the first test were the harder one, maybe that would help us. It didn't. For Saturday's Second Level, Test 2, we walked away with yet another meager 55.854%. As I look for the silver lining, there were plenty of 6.0s and 6.5s, but there were too many 5.0s and 4.0s which kept us out of the 60% range.  5.5 - "Cuts corner" Knowing how tense Izzy was, I had opted for a long warm up, nearly 45 minutes. It didn't rid Izzy of the anxiety, but a shorter warm up would have been even more disastrous. Even as I rode test 2, I knew it wasn't going to be good. How could the judge give us anything but scores and comments that reflected Izzy's tension and anxiety when she could hear him screaming for Speedy the entire time? Speedy was back at STC Dressage, but Izzy, knowing that Speedy was in Ventura County, figured he might be within earshot. He wasn't.  Second Level - Test 2  Second Level - Test 2 Second Level - Test 2 Our second test of the day, Second Level - Test 1, was nearly an hour and a half later, so we walked back to the trailer to give Izzy a drink of water and untack him for a few minutes. In general, I try to be optimistic, but after scoring below 60% so many times, it's hard to remain hopeful. It's even harder when your horse rears after halting at X at the very beginning of your next test. While test 1 was also a bit of a disaster, there were some good moments. We earned a 7.0 for our walk to canter at A, and we earned a second 7.0 for our final centerline which was a huge improvement over the test's first centerline (4.0 with a 2-point deduction for going off course).  Nowhere does the test read, "Halt at X, Rear." As we walked out of the ring, Izzy screaming the entire way, I felt tears pricking. While my horse can do this, it isn't fun. While Sean was heading our way after reading the test for me, my friend Valerie allowed me to express my frustration. She has felt everything that I am feeling. Having her sympathy as she commiserated with me helped me to feel heard. Yes, pity parties are unseemly, but it's exhausting to always keep your spirits high. Sometimes, it's cathartic to vigorously stomp all over your hopes and dreams.  Red wine sangria with Valerie - doing what you gotta do.  Second Level - Test 1  Second Level - Test 1 As we walked back to the trailer, I begin writing Izzy's FOR SALE ad. There's only so much disappointment that a girl can take. I later went to dinner with my friend Jen who manages the show. She's always great at helping me put the disappointment in perspective. Like Valerie, she too knows what it feels like when you just can't seem to get anywhere. When she dropped me off at STC Dressage later that evening, I heard laughter coming from the back of the barn. Knowing I am always welcome, I made my way through the barn to discover my own trainer, Sean Cunningham, and fellow trainer Laura Goodenkauf enjoying an after show beer. Laura is a Los Angeles trainer who takes lessons from Sean when their schedules permit; he had coached her earlier in the day. We've met a few times, and I have found her to be very friendly and quite positive. I sat down to listen to some trainer talk, but eventually the conversation came my way. My frustration with the day must have shown through because before I knew what had hit me, BOTH trainers were giving me an earful. Both trainers genuinely feel that all horses can succeed- even Izzy. They made sure to let me know that I do indeed have the tools to ride Izzy well. I tried not to roll my eyes too many times as they listed my "strengths," (had they not seen me ride?), but I did listen and take their advice to heart.  Laura Goonenkauf aboard Stella at the SCEC show. Before going to bed that night, Sean encouraged me to watch the videos of my rides and read the score sheets. He insisted that while the rides may have felt terrible, they were nowhere near as bad as I thought they were. He was right. I pulled Izzy's for sale sign from my thinking and instead focused on what I could do better on Sunday.
To be continued one more time ... Part 1 Sunday morning started off super early. My first ride of the day was at 8:52 a.m. which doesn't seem too bad if you're stabled at the show, but we weren't. By 6:00 a.m. I was braiding, and by 7:00, Izzy was in the trailer ready for the short drive to El Sueno. It wasn't until I turned on my truck that I realized I had a flat tire. I never panic in a crisis, but that doesn't mean I don't want to. I knew it wouldn't help, so I just dug deep, and made a plan. When my husband starts to get upset about a situation, my response is always the same, work the problem, so I did. There's a line in one of Bruce Willis's Die Hard movies that has always stuck with me. It's during a scene with the goofy tech guy that MacClane has drug around with him as he attempts to save the world. The kid asks, "Then why are you doing this?" MacClane answers, "Because there's nobody else to do it right now. That's why." That's how I deal with problems. If I don't do it, who will? By the time the tow truck came and my tire was repaired, my chances for a Zen day were rapidly diminishing. I may be that guy during a crisis, but afterwards, I tend to fall apart. As much as I wanted to throw a bit of a pity party for myself, I pulled up my big girl panties and got to work. I saddled Izzy and headed down to the warm up ring, flat tire forgotten.  PC: Tess Michelle Photography Second Level Test 1 - 53.378% During our warm up, Izzy was fabulous. It was one of those warm ups where you're looking around for the judge, desperately wishing she could score the movements RIGHT THEN. Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer at STC Dressage, agreed. He was really happy with Izzy's relaxation, especially compared to just one day before. Without wanting to upset things too much, Sean asked me to think about making the questions just a bit harder. If Izzy was willing to work and listen to me, it would be a good idea to ask for just a little bit more from him. By the time I made it down to the ring, I was feeling hopeful, but not overly confident. Izzy is Izzy after all. To no one's surprise, the tension slammed into Izzy's body as soon as we entered at A. Our 5% of progress from the day before went up in smoke. At about half way through the test, I finally quit riding him like he was on egg shells and told him to get with the program. It didn't fix the first twelve scores, but it made me feel better, and it was probably a relief to the big brown horse. You can see in the last half of the test that my scores started to get a bit better. Actually riding your horse will do that.   Second Level Test 2 - 58.537% As soon as we finished Test 1, we went back to the warm up ring as the second test was less than thirty minutes later. Izzy was really braced and telling me that he was grumpy and OVER IT. Mentally, I was in the process of throwing in the towel. Well, this one is going to be a disaster, I said to myself. For all of the other lessons and warmup rides that I've done with Sean, we've used the Cee Coach two-way communication system. Since we had so little time between tests, I opted to skip the process of putting the earbuds back in. I won't be doing that again. As Izzy and I rode the struggle bus around the warm up ring, I realized how much I missed hearing Sean's quiet feedback. He doesn't say a lot, but what he does say is very meaningful.  Sean Cunningham of STC Dressage - coach and trainer So there I was throwing in the towel, wanting the whole show over and done with. Sean must have seen the expression on my face (or possibly read my mind), because as I circled by him, he quietly said, "When Izzy is like this, unable to focus or relax, it's up to you to be the leader. You need to be his support." I don't know how Sean knew to say those words right then, but I needed to hear them. For the second time that day, I was forced to pull up my big girl panties. As I entered the ring, I changed my game plan. Instead of trying to get more from Izzy, I reverted back to our plan for the last show - get a steady tempo. Nothing was going to be fancy, but we were going to do it right. You can see the results in our test. We earned six scores of 6.0 in the first seven movements, and a long list of 6.0s follow. There were even two 7.0s for good measure. The medium trot is killing us right now (4.0), but in every other area we showed a solid effort. The first simple change was rough (4.0), but we pulled out a 6.0 for the second one and another 6.0 for the quality of the serpentine.  In the end, we missed a 60% by a mere six points. Our score of 58% and some change was six percent higher than Saturday's score, and eight percent higher than the Sunday score from the show in April. We're so close. Will Izzy let all the tension go for our next show? I doubt it. Even Sean said it's probably going to take us a while, but just seeing that little bit of improvement each time is enough to reassure me that we are heading in the right direction.   Izzy and I are scheduled to ride with Sean about every other week for the foreseeable future. Our next show is at the end of June. We were so close to a 60% for this show, so I know it's out there waiting for us.
Just one percent better each time will have us there (and beyond) before the end of summer. The Warm Up An alternate title might be "When Sucking Less Is a Big Improvement." Let's just get this out there - we did not do well. We did not get any qualifying scores. We did not wow anyone with our not-so-fabulous movement. And yet, by Sunday morning, I was teary-eyed with immense love and pride for my wonderful horse. (For as long as they're up, you can see photo proofs that tell a beautiful story.) The truth is nothing went "well," but everything went better, and in some instances, a lot better. Sean Cunningham, owner and trainer at STC Dressage, remarked on the drastic improvement numerous times over the three days he coached us. For Friday's warm up ride, Izzy was a ball of tension, but with Sean's help, he became rideable. Not just I-survived-and-didn't-die rideable, but the kind of rideable where you can actually ask for something and get it.  2-1 on Saturday with Sean Cunningham reading the test. The three biggest things that I learned during this show were these:
I loved Sean's phrasing about the baiting. He's right. Izzy wants me to let him do what he wants to do, but since he has so much fear, his choices are not good ones. Even so, he continues to try it, and each time that he successfully jerks the rein from me, he is able to do what he wants which leaves him feeling alone and worried. As I started to feel the jerk coming, I kept him bent around my leg and moved the bit in his mouth so that he couldn't jerk the rein from me. When he did manage to get it from me, I was able to recover much more quickly, so much so that by the end of the show, I had control over that issue.  2-1 - Free walk One thing that I said to Sean after the show was this: there are a lot of ways to earn a 5.0. With Speedy, there was only one way - the movements were just not good enough. With Izzy, he can do all the movements with ease, but his tension affects his stride length, impulsion, bend, angle, and straightness. We earned a lot of 5.0s. We also earned a lot of 4.0s, mostly for his non-existent medium trot. With such a tight back, he simply can't get a longer stride. It will come though.  2-1 Medium canter Second Level Test 1 While the scores tell the story one way, they don't tell the whole story; things like getting a 6.0 for the 10-meter canter on the right lead. This was the first time we've earned a 6.0. It was also the first time that he held the canter for the entire circle. If you watch the video from 2-1 (down below), you can probably catch the moment where he loses the canter rhythm for half a stride. I knew it was coming and was able to catch it before he lost the canter. On Sunday's 2-1 test, which was the worst feeling of the four, he couldn't hold the canter, but I'll take the improvement I saw on Saturday's test. Second Level, Test 1's scores and video are below with more about Second Level, Test 2 further down. It's a lot to read, I know, but it feels right to share my thoughts about the whole day in one long post.   Second Level Test 2 After our initial warmup and first test, I was able to take Izzy back to the barn for a quick drink of water, and then we walked back to the warm up. He was better than before. in fact, each time we went back to wherever it was, he was better. Standing at the trailer all alone, being in the warm up all alone - he just developed a tiny bit of confidence each time. Sean is a mind reader; he knows what I am thinking, and he knows what Izzy is thinking. Being able to fix things before they get big is one of Sean's super powers.  2-2 10-meter half circle No matter how many times I lamented our scores, Sean held fast to his commitment to the idea that even Rome wasn't built in a day. I really appreciate his vision. He can see our future even if I can't. Sean reminded me again and again that the scores don't matter. Getting Izzy to "let me in" so that I can make the decisions is all that we're focusing on. At one point during a warm up, I can't remember before which test or day, Sean told me to forget about the movements as Izzy already knows them. Instead, I need to focus on getting him soft and round enough so that he can do them. That one comment lifted so much pressure off my shoulders that I could actually work on what Sean wanted me to accomplish.  2-2 Counter canter When both tests had been ridden and Izzy untacked and resting at the trailer, I went up to the show office to grab my tests. I knew they wouldn't be great, but I did expect a little more, and so did Sean. He looked them over and felt that the judge had been a wee bit tough on some of the movements, but that might have just been his papa bear don't mess with my cub reaction. For Second Level, Test 1, we scored 56.081% and for Test 2 we earned 52.927%. If I keep in mind Sean's reasoning that 1% improvement will compound over time, I should be thrilled as the Test 1 score was five percent better than the last two Test 1 scores earned in April (51.486% and 51.892%). For Test 2, the progress is not so obvious. Our 52.927% fell right in the middle of the last two Test 2 scores of 50.854% and 53.537%. Of course I want higher scores, but I am going to trust Sean's process. He has been right about every suggestion so far, and when I implement them, good things happen. The score sheets and video for Test 2 are below.   Part 2 coming up. Stay tuned for more.
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About the Writer and RiderI am a lifelong rider.
I began endurance riding in 1996 where I ultimately completed five, one-day 100 mile races, the 200-mile Death Valley Encounter, and numerous other 50, 65, and 75 mile races. I began showing dressage in 2010. Welcome to my dressage journey. 
Photo by Lori Ovanessian
About Speedy GSpeedy went from endurance horse to dressage horse. After helping me earn a USDF Bronze medal in the summer of 2020, he is now semi-retired. Speedy is a 2004, 15'1 hand, purebred Arabian gelding. His Arabian Horse Registry name is G Ima Starr FA.
July 2020 (PC AJSK Photography)
About IzzyIzzy was started as a four-year old and then spent the next 18 months in pasture growing up. I bought him as a six-year old, and together, we are showing at the lower levels. He is a 2008, 16'3 hand warmblood gelding. His Rheinland Pfalz-saar International (RPSI) name is Imperioso.
March 2021 (PC Tess Michelle Photography)
Bakersfield Dressage approved!
My favorite breeches!
FOR THE SMALLER EQUINE ATHLETE
I love her stuff!
Watercolor Artist and Friend
National Rider Awards
USDF Bronze Medal - 2020
USDF Second Level Rider Performance Award - 2018
USDF First Level Rider Performance Award - 2015
USDF Training Level Rider Performance Award - 2013
State Rider Awards
CDS Ruby Rider Award - 2018
State Horse Awards
Speedy G - 3rd Level Horse Performance Award - 2020
Speedy G - 2nd Level Horse Performance Award - 2018
Working Towards:
CDS Sapphire Rider Award Third Level: 63.514% Third Level: 62.105% Fourth Level: Fourth Level: 2023 Show Season
Show Rating (***) CDS/USDF/USEF (*) CDS (s) Schooling (c) Clinic (r) Ride-a-Test Clinic 2023 Show Schedule
TBD 2023 Completed … Pending 2023 Qualifying Scores
Regional Adult Amateur Competition (RAAC) Qualifying Training Level 3 Scores/2 Judges/60%: Score 1: Score 2: Score 3: Archives
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