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Not-So-Speedy Dressage

From Endurance to Dressage

Bitterness

2/17/2020

 
I didn't really say a whole lot about it, but Speedy and I were supposed to go to a two-day USDF show this past weekend. We didn't go. The trailer was loaded. The truck was loaded. As I was pulling out of the driveway heading to the ranch to hook up, I saw a missed call from the ranch owner. Speedy was lame.

I am very much a glass half full, find the silver lining, make lemonade sort of girl. After hearing that Speedy was lame, I shrieked. I cursed. I cursed at God. I tried to cry, but the tears wouldn't fall. I thought I might vomit. I wanted to. Instead, the anger just burned and seethed in the very pit of my gut. There was no silver lining. The disappointment turned to a deep bitterness that enveloped me, squeezing me until I thought I would suffocate. 
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I tried to find a rational explanation for my anger. It was just a show. There will be others. There will always be others...

But what if there aren't'?

And that's when I understood my anger. Speedy isn't a machine. He won't be my partner forever. And in all likelihood, he won't be my partner for much longer. His Cushing's Disease, despite my best efforts, will progress. I will be faced with painful decisions. Decisions that I am already making in my head. I can't let my heart make them. I can't even open my heart because the second I try to, the tears fill my eyes, threatening to fall and fall and fall.

Speedy and I aren't done. There is so much more that I need from him. For him. This Bronze Medal that is so close, it's for him, not me. Speedy doesn't owe me a single thing; it's I who owe him. 

​Just one more show. Please.
jenj
2/17/2020 06:52:29 am

Cushings is truly a beotch - I was angry too, but mostly just sad because it just wasn't fair for Taran. Feel free to PM me if you need to commiserate.

Bakersfield Dressage link
2/17/2020 07:10:10 am

Thank you, jenj. You know exactly how I feel. And you're right, it's not fair to our horses. :0(

Cheryl
2/17/2020 02:03:22 pm

Oh no. You have both been working so hard! Best wishes for this lameness to resolve quickly.

You are an inspiring partner and teammate for Speedy. While I no longer have horses in my life, I do have dogs I do various sport competitions with and recently had an equivalent "nearing the end of our competition journey" scenario with my heart dog. It sucks, yet I am thankful for the time and adventures together. Hugs if they help.

Bakersfield Dressage link
2/17/2020 02:15:38 pm

Thank you, Cheryl, I truly appreciate the hug. We have the same feelings towards our own dogs. I think people who care for their animals as family members all feel that way. In some ways, it's worse with dogs because they never live as long as horses. I am sitting here looking at my black lab's gray whiskers. At 8 years old, he's definitely middle aged. If only they all lived as long as elephants.

AareneX link
2/17/2020 10:38:14 pm

Yeah, what you said. In theory we never know when that "last ride" will happen, but we aren't dumb: there are clues.

For you, I wish for many more rides before that last ride with Speedy.

Bakersfield Dressage link
2/24/2020 05:29:48 am

Thank you, AarenaX. I know you know the struggle. :0)

Laura link
2/18/2020 08:45:27 am

Oh no...so sorry to read this. Hugs to you. I too wish you more rides on Speedy.

Bakersfield Dressage link
2/24/2020 05:30:39 am

Thank you, Laura. He'll get through this one, and hopefully the next although let's hope there isn't a "next." :0)


Comments are closed.

    About the Writer and Rider

    ​I am a lifelong rider. 
    I began endurance riding in 1996 where I ultimately completed five, one-day 100 mile races, the 200-mile Death Valley Encounter, and numerous other 50, 65, and 75 mile races. I began showing dressage in 2010.
    ​Welcome to my dressage journey.
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    Photo by Lori Ovanessian

    About Speedy G

    ​Speedy went from endurance horse to dressage horse. After helping me earn a USDF Bronze medal in the summer of 2020, he is now semi-retired. Speedy is a 2004, 15'1 hand, purebred Arabian gelding. His Arabian Horse Registry name is G Ima Starr FA.
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    July 2020 (PC AJSK Photography)

    About Izzy

    Izzy was started as a four-year old and then spent the next 18 months in pasture growing up. I bought him as a six-year old, and together, we are showing at the lower levels. He is a 2008, 16'3 hand warmblood gelding. His Rheinland Pfalz-saar International (RPSI) name is Imperioso.
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    March 2021 (PC Tess Michelle Photography)

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Site Designed and Managed by: Karen Sweaney

Among other things, Karen is a Wife, Friend, Reader, Writer, Rider, Traveler, and Dog Lover
Contact her at bakersfielddressage@gmail.com
  • Home
  • About
  • My Horses
    • Horses
    • Imperioso
    • G Ima Starr FA
    • Sunshine
    • Nakota and Gideon
    • Corky
    • Sassy
    • Montoya DSA
    • Mickey Dee
    • Sydney
  • Show Results
    • 2022
    • 2021
    • 2020
    • 2019
    • 2018
    • 2017
    • 2016
    • 2015
    • 2014
    • 2013
    • 2012
    • 2011
    • 2010
  • Dressage Organizations
    • Dressage Organizations
    • Memberships
    • 2019 Dressage Tests
  • Local
    • Shopping List
  • Home