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Not-So-Speedy Dressage

From Endurance to Dressage

Being Right

6/29/2017

 
I just finished reading R. J. Palacio's Wonder, the book about a boy who was born with a severe facial disfigurement. If you haven't read it, or if you don't know anything about it, check it out. It's worth the read even if you're not in the fifth grade.
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Early on in the book, Auggie's English teacher, Mr. Browne, presents the kids with monthly precepts, or what he calls "rules about really important things." The first precept he assigns the class to write about is this one by Dr. Wayne Dyer: "When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind."

That really struck a chord wth me. I like to be right. I also like to be kind. It made me stop and wonder if I sometimes choose being right over being kind. I had to admit that yes, it probably happens.

And then I got to thinking that many horse people, especially dressage people, deal with this conflict pretty often. Dressage, and horse ownership in general, is fraught with people who have THE ANSWERS. It seems as though the second you voice an idea, SOMEONE (or twenty someones) immediately knows EXACTLY what you should do.

There are a couple of relationships in my life (I am not going to name names) where I am struggling with being right or being kind. For the first one, I realized that I couldn't change this person's view, but what I could do was respond to it differently than I had been. Instead of being right, I've decided to be kind. It's funny, because that idea is also addressed by Dyer. He says, "How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours." I haven't had a lot of opportunities to practice this change in my response, but I am prepared.

In the second relationship, it's my friend who wants to be right. All the time. About everything. And it's horse stuff, so you know I have an opinion as well, but we aren't necessarily agreeing. While I haven't been unkind yet, I can feel it coming. Instead of worrying about whether my own opinion gets heard or not, I've decided to be especially kind instead. Mr. Browne's precept for the month of March should be a corollary to the first, Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much. - Blaise Pascal.

I think it's worth a try.
Monica Whitmer link
6/29/2017 07:12:30 am

I always say if you put 10 horse people in a room and ask a question, you will come away with a Dozen opinions! Everyone Knows EVERYTHING about horses. I stopped telling people what to do or think unless they ASK. It is easier for me that way. The only exception is if a horse is really in jeopardy - then I try to inform the owner/rider of the risk.

But most of all, this concept of being Kind over being right is most important when working with a Horse! sometimes we have to choose between "Making" the horse accept our opinion of what "must be done" or softening our goal. So we have to decide whether we are going to get into Force, or we are going to let go of what we think is Right. I don't "win" as many arguments with horses these days- but I also don't have as many arguments in the first place. And incredibly we still make progress. In peace.

Thank you for posting this blog. We all need to remember that "kindness matters".

Bakersfield Dressage link
6/29/2017 10:40:36 am

I think so. :0) Thanks for sharing!

SarahO link
6/29/2017 07:33:30 am

I like this concept, I feel like I need to put it into play in my own life. I actually feel like I don't struggle with this in the horse world, but my family can certainly be guilty of striving to be right rather than kind in political debates etc.

Bakersfield Dressage link
6/29/2017 10:41:31 am

Oh, I hear that!!!!! :0)

draftmare link
6/29/2017 09:20:42 am

At the new barn I have found myself in a weird position of being one of the more knowledgeable boarders. I am finding myself trying to balance being right, and being kind. Especially since I am now finding myself seeked out by other boarders to ask questions, particularly health questions, about their horses.

Bakersfield Dressage link
6/29/2017 10:42:37 am

I have had that same experience. It can be frustrating to be ASKED over and over again only to have your advice ignored. I start to run out of patience. :0)

Mia link
6/29/2017 01:13:52 pm

Top Ten Opinions I've actually voiced:
1. When you pay for my horses you can have an opinion about my horses.
2. Do not touch Ava.
2a. Do not go in Ava's stall.
2b. It's your own fault for getting kicked. I told you not to go in her stall.
3. Stop asking to ride my horse!
3a. Ride your own horse.
3b. If you rode your own horse more than once a month then it wouldn't be a spaz nut.
4. Find your ovaries and get on your horse!
5. Don't undo the girth while sitting ON the horse.
6. Don't ever tie your horses head to his girth and leave him alone while I'm here again. Ever.
7. I'm not spraying WD-40 on my horse's skin.
8. I'm NOT putting Borax in my horses water tanks for them to drink.
9. I am not feeding my horses the moldy hay you sold me even if you think a little water will "wash away the mold".
10. I'm not riding with you unless you put a helmet on (and... she fell off).

Bakersfield Dressage link
7/4/2017 05:21:06 am

HAHAHA - funny stuff, Mia!


Comments are closed.

    About the Writer and Rider

    ​I am a lifelong rider. 
    I began endurance riding in 1996 where I ultimately completed five, one-day 100 mile races, the 200-mile Death Valley Encounter, and numerous other 50, 65, and 75 mile races. I began showing dressage in 2010.
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    About Speedy G

    ​Speedy went from endurance horse to dressage horse. After helping me earn a USDF Bronze medal in the summer of 2020, he is now semi-retired. Speedy is a 2004, 15'1 hand, purebred Arabian gelding. His Arabian Horse Registry name is G Ima Starr FA.
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    Izzy was started as a four-year old and then spent the next 18 months in pasture growing up. I bought him as a six-year old, and together, we are showing at the lower levels. He is a 2008, 16'3 hand warmblood gelding. His Rheinland Pfalz-saar International (RPSI) name is Imperioso.
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Site Designed and Managed by: Karen Sweaney

Among other things, Karen is a Wife, Friend, Reader, Writer, Rider, Traveler, and Dog Lover
Contact her at bakersfielddressage@gmail.com
  • Home
  • About
  • My Horses
    • Horses
    • Imperioso
    • G Ima Starr FA
    • Sunshine
    • Nakota and Gideon
    • Corky
    • Sassy
    • Montoya DSA
    • Mickey Dee
    • Sydney
  • Show Results
    • 2022
    • 2021
    • 2020
    • 2019
    • 2018
    • 2017
    • 2016
    • 2015
    • 2014
    • 2013
    • 2012
    • 2011
    • 2010
  • Dressage Organizations
    • Dressage Organizations
    • Memberships
    • 2019 Dressage Tests
  • Local
    • Shopping List
  • Home