And Now, The Infamous "Sunday Lesson"

3/3/2012

It started well enough. JL was pleased with how "bendy" Sydney appeared to be at the walk and trot. I could bend his neck in both directions, and he seemed relaxed and happy about it.

To help Sydney un-stick his front end at the canter, JL wanted me to do turns on the haunches at the walk and then the trot. We were pretty successful at the walk. We weren't as successful at the trot. She then asked to see the canter.

The next 30 - 45 minutes were spent wrapping my arms around Sydney's neck as he reared and repeatedly launched himself into the air. Think of rearing but with no feet on the ground. Scary.

But really? Not that scary. Not scary enough so that I should want to quit riding him, which I considered. My trainer didn't yell at me. I didn't come off. What the hell was so horrible?

How about the perfect storm of failure ...

My hands were restrictive: This is my fault? Crap. How lame do you feel when your horse is trying to get away from you? JL's observation was that Sydney reared/launched when he had nowhere else to go. I wasn't allowing him to move forward. My legs said canter, but my hands said, DON'T LET HIM GO ANYWHERE! When Sydney feels trapped or stuck, he feels anxious and explodes. Usually in an upward direction. If I give him some room, he'll explode sideways. So essentially, this is my fault.

Buyer's Remorse: I should have bought the small, 3 year old Hanoverian mare that had no go but plenty of whoa. That's one thought I had. When I bought Sydney, I really thought he had dressage potential and could teach me something. "This" wasn't quite what I was expecting.

But who knows? Had I bought that little mare, I might not have met JL, I certainly wouldn't have met RM and moved my horses to Boarding Heaven, and I probably wouldn't be having nearly the success with Speedy G that has come as a result (if 60% at T-1 is considered successful!). And the little mare might have been the worst dressage horse ever.

I am not moving up: Seriously?! Didn't I just blog about that very thing? Uh-huh. Happy to be a beginner, my ass. Who was I kidding? I want to "move up." It's embarrassing to be stuck at walk/trot. In that moment, as Sydney was flinging me into the air, I was very frustrated with what felt like a complete lack of forward progress. It felt like I had taken several giant steps backward. Can we say pride, anyone?

I was very recently reminded that Rome wasn't built in a day, and that it's always three steps forward and one step back. If I am honest, Sydney did plenty of bolting and other scary stuff at the trot way back when. I persevered, and we now work fairly well at the trot. It's not great, but he's getting there. We are moving forward. It's just not fast.

I was just sharing with Hubby how I remember dreading, absolutely dreading, riding Speedy G when he was a four and five and, okay, even a six year old. It was terrifying. And yet, now? He's my go-to horse. Yeah, he's a jerk sometimes. But he's a dependable jerk. He wasn't that way two years ago. He put me in the ER at one point.

JL said that no one would criticize me for selling Sydney: That just demoralized me. And please, don't think that I fault JL for making the suggestion. I think good trainers want to make sure their students are safe and paired with the right horse. It's just that the exact same thing was said about Speedy G, twice! By trainers ... All I heard, of course, is you are incompetent.

It's not true. I know that. Of course JL does not see me as incompetent, but I am worried that she sees me as over-horsed. I worry that she'll "fire" me and ask me to move along. Will she do that? I certainly hope not, but it is something I worry about. What she doesn't know is how dedicated I am to whatever cause I set my mind to.

I am ridiculously persistent. If something needs accomplishing, I'm your man. I get it done. And it doesn't matter what it is. I don't think I have ever truly failed at anything. I will occasionally allow things to fall by the wayside if they don't hold my interest (ballet class, an exercise machine, starting my quad with no help), but I don't give up if it's something real.

I finished my first 100 mile race simply because I couldn't face my kindergarten class with the news that I had quit. I dragged my barfing butt several hours through the Mojave Desert to the next vet check and then rode another 8 miles back to camp, still sick as a dog. After my mandatory hour hold, I then rode another 35 miles. Endurance teaches you not to quit.

And there you have it: the perfect storm of every "mistake" I've made with my horse: poor riding, wrong horse for me, and pride. I left the lesson demoralized and went home and cried. Sobbed. Bawled my eyes out.

Deep breath. A day off. Slow down and re-evaluate. Listen to your friends. Listen to those with experience. Maybe write a little.

JL's advice was that I needed to develop a better feel. Lay off the canter for a bit. Firm up the the walk and trot. Get better at the turn on the haunches. Move him off my leg without my hands. Go on a trail ride.

I am doing all of these things. I rode Sydney on Tuesday, at the walk, and had a lovely aha (lower case) moment. We did some very nice turns on the haunches with no rein pressure. Huh? How did that happen? While we were working, he started offering those sneezy, snorty, grunty sounds that JL says come when he's working over his back. Not sure about that, but he seemed very happy.

I took Speedy for a short trail ride on Wednesday and rode with a loose rein. Even jacked up, (dependably naughty) he listened to my tightened core and slowed down. Really!!!??? And even more fun was that he lowered his poll and rounded his back with some leg hugs (a la Memoirs of a Horse Girl) and a loose rein. There were more rides during the week on both horses, and each time I felt a small degree of success. Press on and all that.

So where am I now? Back to reality, I guess. I let "it" get to me. I'm over it. Three steps forward, two steps back, but one step ahead.

Mia

3/2/2012 11:39:32 pm

You get three steps forward? Crap, I'm lucky to get one forward before we zoom backwards at light speed. My trainer had to remind me how to post correctly yesterday.

Sorry your ride went so poorly. Sydney would be in worse shape with any one else at the reins. He's very lucky to have you.

Karen

3/2/2012 11:46:17 pm

I might have exaggerated slightly about three steps forward, Mia. :0)

I don't know how lucky Sydney is. I am sure he would be happier with a more knowledgeable rider, but it is what it is. I sure hope he and I get it together.

Val link

3/3/2012 12:51:53 am

Hugs are always good! Especially leg hugs that make your horse round. ;) I am so glad that you have Speedy to chill with and your long list of accomplishments to bolster your confidence. You made me laugh when you said that you finished your 100-mile race so that you wouldn't have to tell the kindergarteners that you didn't. Riding is YOUR thing. You will get there with Sydney.

I have a couple thoughts. I want to help. Famous last words of advice-givers, but here goes.

Put him on the lunge line. A lot of problems can be ironed out on the lunge line and the line can give you a sense of feel similar to the reins without having to be on-board for acrobatics. Ironically, I just wrote about this! I think we have a wavelength going. :)

My question when I started reading your post was "turn on the haunches in trot?" Is that what you meant? I do not see how that is possible unless your horse can balance enough in trot to almost piaffe. You can ride a nice corner in trot where you really bring the shoulders around the turn, but turn on the haunches is really only performed at the walk and canter (pirouette). If you were trying to make that happen in trot, I could see how that might lead to some serious rein tension and frustration for horse and rider. It upsets me that your trainer would question your ability after asking you to ride that "movement" (I am also not a fan of the side-to-side neck moving which your trainer teaches. I only say this because I do not think that it is fair that you were made to feel dejected. The trainer is part of the equation and you are a very dedicated student. You stick to the program. It cannot be all your fault.) I prefer leg yield or haunches-in to prepare a horse for canter. Leg yielding in trot is very doable and keeps the horse straight and on the outside rein. Haunches-in is good if your horse can swing his hindquarters around a lot (Harley, this means you!) and you need to show him where to put them to depart correctly. Shoulder-fore is probably the best, because it keeps the horse straight in the depart. I believe advanced riders always depart from shoulder-fore, but I have also been told that counter-shoulder-in is useful for a horse who has trouble picking up the correct lead. I learned that one after trying desperately to use true shoulder-in to get Harley to pick up the correct lead. Fail (blocked his inside shoulder). I would stick to turn on the haunches in walk and try leg yield in trot to canter Speedy and then try it on Sydney. You can do it! There is no timeline.

3/3/2012 01:33:26 am

Thank you, Val. I see what you are saying about the turn on the haunches at the trot. It is difficult to explain the exercises that I do with my trainer as her vocabulary as a H/J does not match my limited dressage vocabulary. She called it a turn on the haunches, and at the walk, it certainly was. Maybe you are right and that the exercise she was asking for was too difficult for both of us. Her goal was for Sydney to move away from my outside leg while not racing forward with the leg pressure. I need to think more about that.

I think she is a very good trainer, but I have felt some frustration. At the lesson before, she had me shorten my reins (a lot), and lift with the outside rein to get the left turn. Before that lesson, we were picking up the canter quietly, but the circle was far from round. From that lesson to the one a week and a half later, we fell apart completely. Either I misunderstood the directions, or the shortened rein made Sydney feel trapped.

In any case, I've been reading some very useful stuff that is making all kinds of connections happen in my brain. I did a walking ride on Sydney and then followed it up with some trot work trying some of the suggestions from my recent reading. Sydney gets really stuck with a shortened rein. He works much better with a longer rein where I just widen my hands to keep the contact. I think I am going to keep doing what I am doing - asking for lots of stretch down at walk and trot.

I know my intuition is good. I just need help refining it. I appreciate your feedback and you've given me some good stuff to ponder.

Thanks!

Lori

3/3/2012 07:43:00 am

Karen
I agree with Val totally. I have been only following your blog for few months so I don't have the whole picture. It sounds like you are following a good regiment of flatwork and trail riding. I am a huge fan of lunging, it's part of my warmup every time I ride my mare, she is not naughty like your guy but she is a mega alpha and we need the ground rules established on the ground first. Not only do we get connected but she has gotten really fit between the lunge work and ride which totals an hour and half 6 days a week typically. I use a chambo for the last 10-15 minutes of lunge work, it really helped her back muscles developed. I am not a big fan of side reins only in professiional hands, chambo much more forgiving. Fitness is very
important and the right muscle development when asking various movements. Ahhhh yes two steps forward , one back, keep that track and you will always be ahead of game. See Denny Emerson blog on "what's the rush". Love your stories.
Lori

3/3/2012 01:16:17 pm

Lori - I am amazed every day at how supportive blog readers are. Thank you for taking the time to comment and share. I took Val's advice and did some lunging today. It's not that I don't like to lunge, but on a typical week day, I only have about 30 minutes for riding time. With Sydney, lunging can get him too revved up which sort of defeats the purpose. It's a long story, but I don't think Sydney was ever taught to lunge correctly. I think his previous life included lunging as a way to run the crap out of him. When I lunge him, it's a lesson in slow down, listen, and move away from me. Since I had the time on Saturday, we did lots of it. I am not sure that it helped my under saddle work, but he was better on the line at the end.

When my spring break rolls around I plan to do daily lunge work. And this summer, when I have plenty of time (and lots of good, tiring heat) we'll do more. It's a bit of joke around here, but summer gets horses "broke." (it's too dang hot to fight!)

Please feel free to share any time!

Karen

Melinda Faubel link

3/3/2012 07:25:40 am

What Val said about there not being a timeline really resonated with me. Probably because I'm struggling with pride/horse/goal issues too. Much less serious than yours but I think I feel a small shred of what you much be feeling.

Your endurance analogy is right on. I can relate. Anytime something seems so hard that I just can't go on, I think of the 100's that managed to get through and how much harder they were than anything.

The trainer thing is tricky. I know I feel that way ("is she going to ask me to move on?") ALL THE TIME - but that is a result of my anxiety disorder and is rarely rooted in reality. So, I tend to spend a lot of time in self reflectment and looking for clues to see whether the end is near, instead of just focusing on what I need to focus on and learning the lesson. I think that the most healthy is a balance of both - not so much time spent worrying about the what ifs that I can't get the most out of the relationship, but not so oblivious I become one of "those" people. I have to work on it every day in almost every social relationship I have - it's hard.

Thank you so much for sharing - it's really brought up some things that I need to spend some time reflecting on - and I hope that by sharing it's made the memory of the lesson an little easier to bear.

Honestly, what you described during the lesson sounds very very scary and as a looker on - I think it would be difficult to say whether it's a "good" idea or not to sell - because in those situations it's hard to really know how you feel on his back. You obviously have enough experience both in the horse world and with another horse that's you are certiantly qualified to make the decision of whether you can work through or not.

Really enjoying your journey :)

3/3/2012 01:26:53 pm

Melinda - wow. Thank you for sharing your own story. As a regular reader of Boots and Saddles, I know that your own struggles are indeed similar.

My mom called me today and told me that she was very impressed with my honesty. She said people like to know that others share the same struggles. She also cautioned me to be safe. :0)

I try to be honest without being depressing. Everyone deals with their own sh*t and they don't need my problems clouding up their day. But this particular issue seems like one every rider deals with: pride, insecurity, frustration, and so on.

While I rode today, my first 3 minutes were filled with OMG I have to sell this animal. The next 27 were spent thinking OMG he could be fabulous. I don't want to make a decision until I've had him for a year. While some of his theatrics are scary, I've been able to ride every single one of them. I keep asking him if this is his worst because if it is, I can deal with it. I just keep worrying that he's got more in there. And every time I think that there is no way I could ride a bigger, stronger, more wild maneuver, out he comes with one and I do ride it out.

(Of course I have just jinxed myself and will be eating dirt very soon. I just pray it's in the soft side of the arena.)

I will continue my journey of learning and hope that I do it fast enough to give Sydney the kind of rider that he needs. Thanks for reading and sharing.

Karen

Kelly RGF link

3/3/2012 02:28:33 pm

Not scary enough?? What exactly would he have to do that WOULD be scary enough to make wanting to quit riding him okay? :o) I think you are being far too hard on yourself.

You are not a poor rider. Sydney is a sensitive, reactive thoroughbred, and you are both still new to a discipline that is very particular. You could make the same small mistakes on a more forgiving horse and not have them blow up in your face. Between your Arab and your TB I think you are getting a very refined education in how to get a horse truly working well!

Is it possible that what JL mention about selling Sydney wasn't her giving you a recommendation, but rather her offering you an out if you needed one? I know that sometimes I feel like I need 'permission' to make a big decision, and it takes an outside opinion verifying my own internal thoughts to make it 'okay' for me to actually act on it. I think she was offering that in case you needed it. Unfortunately, of course, her suggestion cut down rather than supported you, but I don't think she meant it like that. I bet she doesn't appreciate the extent of your dedication and determination!

I so hope you do press on. Why go suffer through the dark of the tunnel not to get to enjoy the light at the end? Many of my riding friends have been through really challenging periods with difficult horses, but are now much more successful than those who never had to knuckle down and work hard from all angles. It is when the chips are down and we're struggling that we learn the most. You can do it.

I'm curious about this turn on the haunches at a trot. How small was the circle/turn? Was he bent to or away from the direction of movement? Did he cross his legs and step across, or was it more of an angley leg yeild?

And has JL ever ridden Sydney in a lesson?

3/3/2012 10:53:25 pm

Kelly, I continue to be amazed by the generosity and kindness of people that I've never even met. Each time someone comments, I can literally feel a hug coming through their words. Thank you so much for for supporting my events.

And yes, yes, yes to every single word you wrote. After Val's comments about turning on the haunches at the the trot, I did some thinking. Your description of the movement might be more accurate, but it was a very small circle. She wanted his front end to transcribe a larger circle around his hind feet. She didn't expect a few circle, just a few steps at a step. I was to keep his neck straight, and if anything, a slight counter bend. One point of the exercise was to not use my outside rein to get him to bend. So maybe it was a type of leg yield, but it sure felt like a turn on the haunches. I cued him the same way as I had in the walk.

When I go back for my Wednesday lesson, I think I'll ask her to just watch and guide me through what I have been doing on my own which is just walk/trot. I'v simply been doing lots of smallish circles where we turn with the inside rein, outside leg. When he wants to bolt or rear, I quickly change direction so that he doesn't lock up and keep him bending and moving. Once he turning calming, I spiral in and out. We walk, and then start the process again. And for some reason, once we walk and relax, the tension returns for the first few circles. and of course when we change directions I have to reinforce the idea as well.

All of this coming in a blog post. :0)

Again, thank you for the encouragement. Without all of the support, it would be much easier to give up.

Karen

3/3/2012 02:34:51 pm

Oh, and what's a good story without some adversity to overcome? It's not depressing to read about this - it's reassuring and inspiring. The best books, movies and blogs aren't all sunshine and roses, they're real and contain conflict and problems. We've all been there and we're all rooting for you! xox.

3/3/2012 10:54:05 pm

Thank you, but I wish it was someone else's story! :0)

Calm, Forward, Straight link

3/4/2012 09:08:02 am

Hi Karen-

Just spent a while catching up on your blog. I hope you know you're not alone in dealing with these issues of confidence, pride and perserverance.

You've gotten lots of good feedback regarding what's happening in the ring. I thought I would add a suggestion to address both the physical and spiritual aspects of dressage. Have you by chance read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Dressage-Formula-Erik-Herbermann/dp/0851319521">Dressage Formula by Erik Herbermann</a>? I go to this book whenever I need inspiration and a reality check.

I hope you find a positive way to move forward. :)

3/4/2012 12:09:30 pm

CFS - thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. The encouragement I get from other bloggers has been so useful. I peeked at the book you recommended and will be buying it. I have read a number of dressage books, but I am always looking for others. Thank you!

Pressing on is what I do. Doing it in a positive way would be even better. Thank you.

Karen

3/6/2012 09:40:54 am

I just placed my order! Thanks!

Karen

Sarah link

3/5/2012 02:14:36 am

Wow, I'm sad to hear about your frustrating and scary experience. You should be really impressed with yourself for staying on, and for carrying on! A lot of riders would have said "screw it" and put the horse back in its stall. Great job for getting through it.
My 2 cents: you should not avoid the canter. That might make it a weird taboo. Canter, but be sure he has plenty of rein. Think forward - that is the remedy for "upward" problems.
Also, I agree with Kelly RGF - when your trainer said you could sell him, I would try to look at is as her giving you permission, not a recommendation. She was letting you know what you already know: he is not a perfectly suitable mount for you given his training and your level of riding, specifically at dressage. But that doesn't mean you should stop - it just means you have a lot of work ahead of you. But you didn't buy a trained dressage horse, so its not like this is any real surprise. Its still hard to hear though.
I recently heard this too, only my trainer didn't tell me directly, she told a friend. To be honest, after the self-hating and berating period, it was kind of a freeing thought. It explains the problems without blame. Its not your fault that the horse isn't a perfect match for you (especially if you want to move forward at a certain pace, and start doing more technical movements and be more competitive). But you don't have to be a perfect match in order to get lots of enjoyment. You are weighing your desire for being competitive/learning faster/moving on faster, with your desire to be with THIS HORSE. I'm in the same spot right now, weighing the two sides. Meanwhile, when we hit speed bumps, the acknowledged incompatibility helps: its not the horse's fault that they don't have the training, and its not your fault you don't have the training (yet), and its up to both of you to work through it together. And sometimes he may freak out and sometimes you do, but all in all he is very blessed to have you. And you are a great horse mommy, a dedicated student, and you should be so proud of yourself. =)

3/5/2012 10:22:25 am

Thank you for taking the time to comment, Sarah. All of you have been so insightful and pretty dead on. Much of what you said is true. Sydney is not dressage trained and neither am I. I am okay with not being competitive. i am much more interested in the learning which is why I'm sticking it out with him, for now. :0)

Great mommy? Don't know about that, but I try. Thanks for your support. We all need to share the love, don't we?! :0)

Comments are closed.

Not-So-Speedy Dressage